Of all the Bollywood movies we’ve watched in 2009, De Dana Dan is easily the most boring, sickening, crappy piece of shit.
Folks, there was not a single moment of respite in the 2 hours and 40-minutes we spent in the dark hall of the AMC Empire theater on 42nd St (near Times Square) in New York City on Wednesday.
$6 down the drain. Total waste of time and money.
Should you dare to bestow the blessings of your time and money on this junk, a painful migraine will be your only reward.
There were all of seven or eight people for the first show (10:25AM) of De Dana Dan at the AMC Empire, the sparse crowd perhaps a reflection of the lack of enthusiasm and zero buzz for this Akshay Kumar, Sunil Shetty, Katrina Kaif et al movie.
Given that Akshay Kumar is the unrivalled Trash King of Bollywood these days, the small audience should have been no surprise.
Colossus of Nonsense
From the get-go, De Dana Dan misses no opportunity to lay bare its claim to fame as one of the low points of Bollywood this year.
The grand get-rich plan of two desperate, down at heel desis in Singapore, Nitin (Akshay Kumar) and Ram (Sunil Shetty), rests on kidnapping the dog belonging to a rich and greedy businesswoman (Archana Puran Singh).
Oh, if you really want to know Nitin is the driver and Man Friday of the greedy businesswoman while Ram is driver for a courier service van.
Director Priyadarshan, who is also responsible for the moronic screenplay, then throws in a bewidering array of characters and side stories to the dog-kidnap tale in a clumsy, hopeless attempt at salvaging this junk.
You have Nitin’s sweetheart Anjali (Katrina Kaif); Ram’s girlfriend Manpreet (Sameera Reddy); a failed, crooked businessman Chaddha Sr (Paresh Rawal); a contract killer Murari (Johnny Lever); a Don (Asrani), a hooker (Neha Dhupia), a hyper-priapic weirdo (Shakti Kapoor) and more.
But in the complete absence of comic scenes or hilarious dialogs, the end result of this dismal ensemble is endless tedium for the audience.
Notwithstanding what you may have heard or read, none of the characters or their antics are funny in the least. Just unceasingly boring and tiresome.
Oh well, Rajpal Yadav as the waiter was a bit funny but then his character is too insignificant.
Why Singapore had to be the setting for this drivel is a mystery.
The principal villains of De Dan Dan are the incomprehensibly fatuous story and unendurable screenplay.
Then there’s the mediocre acting.
Sunil Shetty is the antithesis of acting. How this bozo managed to bag a role in this movie is a question that can only be answered by producer Sunil Lulla.
Akshay Kumar is tolerable but the shoddy script leaves no room for any chance of entertainment.
Both Sameera Reddy and Katrina Kaif are pitiful and leave no mark whatsoever.
A most unimpressive abomination, Sameera Reddy with her horrid acting skills, her weird costume and stupid hairstyle seemed like a modern-day Lady Macbeth out to wreak her machinations on the audience.
As for the so-called music in the film, to spend any time on that cacophony in De Dana Dan would be to waste your time and ours.
There’s not one redeeming thing in this repellent farce of a movie.
If the first 2 hours of De Dana Dan was awfully boring, the last 40 minutes was unendurable nonsense. Particularly after the suitcase-bomb blasts and a huge wave of water rushes into the hotel.
What was the necessity to drag that nonsense for 15 minutes?
They say that Kerala, the state De Dana Dan director Priyadarshan hails from, has 100% literacy. This retard Priyadarshan must surely be an exception.
Priyadarshan, Caput tuum in ano es (readers, if Latin is all Greek to you, the expression means you have your head up your ass).
Not Worth Watching
Guys, think not for a moment.
De Dana Dan begs you, implores you to show it the middle finger.
Do not even consider watching this garbage unless you have a desperate itch to squander your time and money.