Folks, to merely dismiss Tees Maar Khan as yet another amateurish Bollywood piece of junk would be an egregious blunder.
For Tees Mar Khan is so much worse. Infinitely worse.
Tees Maar Khan (which released in the U.S. today) is so unbearably awful that we wouldn’t in the least be surprised if many of you were to walk out after the Sheila Ki Jawani item number, which comes in the first half-hour or so.
It boggles the mind that our Bollywood bozos would steal a four-decades-old trashy Hollywood film (After the Fox) and then deliver a trashier version of that crap in Tees Maar Khan.
Notwithstanding what the schmucks might say, Tees Maar Khan is an out and out copy of After the Fox. If you live in the U.S., you can see After the Fox on Netflix Instant Play.
Maybe, the buzz is already bad for Tees Maar Khan because for the opening 12:50PM show at a theater on the East Coast, there were just two people. 🙁
Trashier than Akshay Kumar’s Recent Films
Even by the lowly standards of Akshay Kumar’s recent films like Action Replayy, Tees Maar Khan is bad.
Tees Maar Khan follows the After the Fox story-line with a few Bollywood touches (like the songs and over the top acting) that end up making the experience unbearable for the viewer.
Akshay Kumar plays Tabriz Mirza Khan a,.k.a. Tees Maar Khan, a notorious criminal, who’s recently been arrested by the French police in Paris.
No sooner is he back in India than he does the vanishing act again and quickly signs up with two antique smugglers (the Johry brothers) to retrieve their captured cache that’s being transported to Delhi by the police in a train.
To accomplish the heist of the antiques, Tees Maar Khan pretends to be a film director and cons the people of Dhuilya village and an Oscar-obsessed Bollywood superstar Aatish Kapoor (Akshaye Khanna) into assisting him.
But the script is so sloppily written that not for one moment does it rise above the hopelessly amateurish and the disgustingly tawdry.
For a supposed comedy, there’s little that’s funny in Tees Maar Khan because of a hopeless script ‘written’ by a Bollywood cartoon named Shirish Kunder (husband of the film’s director Farah Khan).
By the way, Katrina Kaif plays an aspiring actress Anya Khan and Tees Maar Khan’s love interest in the film (in After the Fox, the heroine was the hero’s sister). Most of Katrina’s screen-time is spent in acting like a retard. Appropriate for a mediocre actress like Katrina.
The much ballyhooed Sheila Ki Jawani item number didn’t send us into a sextasy. It was slickly done but not seductive enough. Truth be said, we didn’t get much of a lift seeing Katrina Kaif’s waxed thighs and legs or to see her repeatedly spread her legs crudely, invitingly and obscenely in the song.
The Salman Khan-Akshay Kumar song-dance number was another disappointment. Neither have the faintest idea of how to do a dance.
What prompted Farah Khan, Shirish Kunder, UTV et al to filch a bad Hollywood film and then mess it up further is a mystery that’s incomprehensible to sane minds like ours.
The acting of all the three major stars in the film – Akshay Kumar, Katrina Kaif and Akshaye Khanna – is obscenely over the top. Surely, this must be Akshaye Khanna’s most cringe-worthy performance ever.
Guys, unless you have a desperate itch to squander your money and valuable time on garbage, stay away from Tees Maar Khan.