Never let it be said that Hindi movies can’t plumb new lows.
The biggest, latest calamity to befall the already lowly Bollywood is the Southern invasion in the form of remakes and arrival of directors like Prabhudeva.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times.
Tamils and Telugus cannot make watchable movies, not for the next million years. Those cretinous filmmakers make Bollywood look almost sane.
And to remake Tamil and Telugu films or import their directors into Bollywood is to extend an open-ended invitation to Satan to wreak his mayhem in your quarters at will.
Bizarre Horror Show
Rowdy Rathore is the latest Bollywood remake affliction of a South Indian movie, one that bears the unmistakable trash-stamp of Tamil film director bozo Prabhudheva who’s now pissing in the Bollywood waters.
In every respect, Rowdy Rathore is garbage.
An asinine story that’s the Mount Everest of nonsense, acting that’s sub-mediocre, music that’s pitiful and the action scenes, oh, so disgustingly crude that they made me throw up the jalapeño bagels I’d smuggled into the theatre.
For both Akshay Kumar and Bollywood, Rowdy Rathore marks a new low watermark.
If you think I’m engaging in hyperbole, see this sample video from Rowdy Rathore below.
Viewer discretion advised because the video is ugly beyond description.
Only in Indian films do you, time and again, have this outrageously silly phenomenon of two guys looking exactly identical and with no explanation proffered for such strange similarities.
To take the travesty to new heights, in Rowdy Rathore the two ‘Akshay Kumars,’ although they live a thousand miles apart (one in Mumbai and the other in Bihar), are even shown wearing identical shirts.
As is the norm for such movies, one of the Akshay Kumars is a fearless police officer Vikram Rathore and the other a small-time thief Shiva, who, in the course of the movie, morphs into Rowdy Rathore.
Of course, the police officer is posted to a village Devgarh where a local hoodlum Babchi (Nasser) and his henchmen are terrorizing the neighborhood, raping, whipping, looting and killing at will.
Why is it that in Hindi movies, the villages are always Devgarh or Ramgarh.
To return to the Rowdy Rathore balderdash, a police inspector’s wife is kidnapped and raped by Babchi’s son and what do you think the officer does? He humbly treks to Babchi’s house, with his children in tow, and even after seeing his wife there pleads with Babchi to help him locate his wife.
Never mind that this is the 21st century and the slavery and feudal culture of the sort depicted in the movie is claptrap even in lawless India.
No, the parade of nonsense never stops in Rowdy Rathore. After the police office Vikram Rathore (Akshay Kumar) dies, his lookalike Shiva casually slips into the police officer’s uniform and takes his place in Devgarh without any one being the wiser.
An ageing Bollywood star in the twilight of his stardom, Akshay Kumar acts like a retard in every sense of the term.
After two decades in the movie business and dozens of movies beneath his belt, Akshay Kumar thinks looking stern or silly is acting! In the entire movie, the police officer Akshay Kumar wears only a stern countenance while the petty criminal Akshay Kumar sports the look of one dropped on his head one too many times.
Akshay Kumar can’t dance, at least not with any grace, and his fight scenes are clumsy at best.
Even in the comic scenes, once Akshay’s forte, he left us unmoved.
The action scenes are so stupid they beggar belief.
No matter that the opponents come with heavy weaponry or number up to 50 they still are pulverized by one or the other Akshay Kumars.
The ugliest action scene is when Vikram Rathore is introduced, 63 minutes into the movie and he jumps from a high platform.
Wielding a Sudarshana Chakra attached to an iron club, he tears apart 50 thugs. At one point, we think he’s dead. Oh no, he’s just waiting for the rain to fall on his head and relieve him of the brain pressure. Voila, it starts raining raining and soon, he’s up and battling his foes again.
Whoever knew that those with Brain Pressure or at risk of Brain Hemorrhage can be cured by standing in the rain!
And what do you think the villainous Bapchi’s ape-like son does for entertainment – he gets policemen to voluntarily strip with the active encouragement of a minister.
Such are the dregs and the mire through which Rowdy Rathore drags us.
Our heroine Sonakshi Sinha’s claim to fame is to repeatedly expose her ample waist to the gaze of a billion lecherous Indians.
Like most Indian heroines, Sonakshi is a graceless, classless twit who gets roles through nepotism (her father is the former Bollywood actor Shatrughan Sinha and a present-day politician).
In any other part of the world, Sonakshi wouldn’t qualify to be an extra in a crowd scene but in India she’s a heroine.
Music is a ghastly assault on the eardrums, of a piece with the rest of the trashy movie.
Every song (including the much hyped Chinta Ta Ta Chita Chita featuring cameos by the southern monstrosity Vijay and the northern depravity Kareena Kapoor) and the accompanying picturization left us reeling in horror.
The worst was Dhadang dang dang (see above video).
Under Prabhudeva’s bizarre direction, Akshay Kumar and Sonakshi Sinha act like a pair of lemurs on an overdoes of arrack in the Dhadang dang dang song scene.
Shun the Garbage
In any other country in the world, a so-called director like Prabhudheva would receive nothing but spittle on his face when he steps out.
It’s the miracle of Incredible India that Prabhudheva has now taken his garbage to the wider arena of Bollywood from the smaller confines of Kollywood.
SearchIndia.com strongly recommends that if you have anything in your head vaguely resembling a brain, and if you have any respect for your hard-earned money extend the middle finger to Rowdy Rathore.
Rowdy Rathore is Junk, Say Critics