Shiva your daughter has been kidnapped. If you report this to cops your daughter will be cut into pieces and found dead. If you inform this to anyone you will find your daughter (sic) body parts thrown into your apartments….We want $50,000.00 by end of the day. Your wife Lata have (sic) to bring money to the location alone.
Excerpt from Telugu bidda Raghunandan Yandamuri’s ransom note to baby Saanvi Venna’s father Shiva Venna
A Pennsylvania jury of 12 Americans has started deliberations on the fate of Telugu bidda Raghunandan Yandamuri.
In a few hours, the jurors will first decide if the Telugu bidda is guilty and if they find him guilty then determine whether Yandamuri should be put to death for the crimes of kidnapping and killing baby Saanvi Venna and murdering her 61-year-old grandmother Satyavathi Venna in their King of Prussia apartment on October 22, 2012.
If Yandamuri is found guilty and sentenced to death, he will be the first Telugu (but unlikely to be the last) to face the death penalty in America. Yandamuri has recanted his video confession and denied committing the crimes.
Yandamuri’s trial has likely cost Pennsylvania taxpayers over a million dollars, a good reason to hike H1B and Green Card processing fees.
Telugu Bidda – Errors Galore
Were it not for a bunch of horrendous errors, Telugu bidda Yandamuri would not be in the dock at the Montgomery County courthouse today fighting a losing battle for his life.
Instead, he’d be like any other Telugu bidda in North America – the happy father of a couple of little biddas or biddis (my neologism of the day), gobbling Dum Biryani thrice a week, rejoicing in the antics of Allu Arjun, Ram Charan and other assorted simian actors and planning the launch of his own Dum Biryani franchise business.
Let’s examine the egregious mistakes Yandamuri made on the fateful Monday in October 2012, errors that have led him to his current plight:
1) Obviously, the paramount mistake Raghunandan Yandamuri made was deciding to commit the horrific crime of taking two lives. Nothing, nothing on this planet can justify the snuffing out of innocent lives. Every individual (young or old, rich or poor, Indian, American, Chinese or of any nationality) is entitled to the basic human rights of life and liberty.
2) Not putting sufficient planning into the crime was the second humongous blunder. If you ask me, Yandamuri seems to have put less thought into the horrific crimes than the time it takes to eat a plate of Dum Biryani. The chronicle of Yandamuri’s actions in committing the kidnapping, robbery and twin murders smacks of poor planning and hasty execution. Even villains in Allu Arjun comedies who yodel Champaestanu every 3.15-seconds do a superior job when they plot to steal, kidnap, plunder, kill or outrage the modesty of a rural belle.
3) How did Yandamuri think he’d be able to get away with the baby’s kidnapping when the grandmother had seen him a few days earlier at her son’s house. Even with his hoodie, the grandmother would have quickly recognized that the kidnapper was a Telugu by his accent. Once Yandamuri entered the apartment, not killing grandma was not an option at all. Yandamuri should have realized kidnapping the baby without murdering the grandma was an impossibility if he wanted to avoid capture. The moment Satyavathi Venna opened the apartment door, her fate, the fate of her granddaughter and ultimately the fate of Raghunandan Yandamuri were all sealed. The chronicle of many deaths foretold!
4) Yandamuri erred in grossly underestimating the police. Whatever you may say about the Pennsylvania police (the idiots shoot each other occasionally), they’re extremely efficient when it comes to nabbing amateurs like Raghunandan Yandamuri.
5) Opening his mouth and blabbing away to the police is another Himalayan blunder on Yandamuri’s part. The blockhead not only put out a confession on video but even enacted it in what must rank as the second-most bizarre action by a Telugu ever (the most bizarre Telugu decision ever is obviously Allu Arjun and Ram Charan diving into the movie business as ‘actors’).
6) Once Yandamuri killed the grandma, he should have pocketed the jewels, left the baby in the apartment and fled. That way, it’d seem like a robbery gone awry and would have made it hard for the police to easily zero in on him.
7) Trying to make money by kidnapping a child in America suggests an overdose of Tollywood films where the rich man’s baby is stolen by the dismissed driver or angry servant out to take revenge on the Zamindar (Of course, two decades later the baby grows up into poor lad Ram Charan who falls in love with the haughty adopted daughter of the Zamindar and saves her by bare-handedly killing the villain Kota Srinivasa Rao’s cruel son in the film). I have not heard of a successful baby kidnapping in America in recent years. Thanks to Amber Alerts and the like, it’s very hard to get away with the kidnapping of a baby in the U.S. If kidnapping of babies worked in the U.S., you can be sure Estonian and Ukrainian criminal gangs, Rowdy Ramudu, Rowdy Bhimudu and Rowdy Rangiah would be shifting their base en masse to America.
8) Hey Yandamuri, how dumb can you be! Using names like ‘Lata’ and ‘Shiva” on the ransom note is beyond stupid and easily led the police to conclude that the criminal was someone known to the Venna family.
9) Given his history of gambling, bankruptcy and financial problems, Yandamuri should have realized the needle of suspicion would quickly point to him.
10) Not watching Law & Order episodes.
11) After committing the crimes, Yandamuri should have coordinated his story with his wife. Discrepancies between the accounts of Yandamuri and his wife to the police was a key factor in nailing him.
12) Going to the Valley Forge casino after the crimes was another monumental mistake that led the police to quickly connect the dots and link Yandamuri’s difficult financial situation and gambling habits to the horrific crime at the King of Prussia apartment complex.
Advice to Telugu Biddas
Note to the next Yandamuris, Nerusus, Kalidindis et al: If you’re planning to go down the Champaestanu road (i.e. commit a monstrous crime), I’d strongly urge you to STOP.
It’s not worth it. And most likely you will be caught and punished.
Even if you run off to Telangana or Andhra Pradesh after committing heinous crimes, the FBI will follow you, capture you and haul your sorry ass back to the U.S. to face justice.
But if in your infinite stupidity you insist on walking down the Champaestanu road, at least do yourselves the favor of meticulously planning and executing your sordid deeds.