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* Sick F*cks in Jammu & Kashmir – No, you cannot hoist the Indian National Flag in the Muslim-dominated, disputed state of Jammu & Kashmir. Should you try, you’ll be deported to India. Ha ha ha. Somebody, please kick out these two idiots Omar Abdullah and Manmohan Singh.
(The Hindu)

* Income Tax Raids on Priyanka Chopra – What a shame that only the Income Tax dept raided the premises of this utterly worthless Bollywood actress. If only the Department of Quality Control had joined in, this disgustingly bad actress would have been exposed for her repeated depravities – masquerading as acting – on the screen. By the way, the IT dept raided the premises of that zombie actress Katrina Kaif too.

* Allah, be Praised, Dhobi Ghat didn’t do Well – There must be a God, after all. Dhobi Ghat turned in a mediocre performance at the U.S. box office.
(SearchIndia.com)

* Is a Stalinist regime coming to Tamil Nadu? – Perhaps. The fossil a.k.a. Karunanidhi is hinting of leaving the Chief Minister’s post and becoming president of the DMK party. This means fossil’s son Stalin will be the next Chief Minister. :(
(The Hindu)

* Murder at close quarters – The Andhra Pradesh has turned murder into a fine art.
(Outlook)
—————-
India Digest - India Distilled Daily by SI

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Dhobi Ghat Review – Less Dhobi, More Phony

Thank You, God (Allah, Ram, Jesus or wateva be your f*cking name).

Thank you with all our heart for sinking this mediocre shit a.k.a Dhobi Ghat.

Folks, the much publicized Aamir Khan produced Dhobi Ghat failed to generate even half-million dollars at the U.S. box office.

What a F*cking Shame!

Even that half-wit Abhishek Bachchan’s Raavan did more!

In its January 21-23, 2010 opening weekend, Dhobi Ghat did $365,297 at the box office with an average gross of $4,683.

Of course, the Aamir Khan bootlickers will now emerge out of the woodwork and declare what a great hit the movie is since it had several newcomers, how the desi audience in the U.S. is too dumb to appreciate good movies blah blah blah.

Rubbish.

Schmucks, let’s not forget that the movie has Aamir Khan acting in it, producing it and actively promoting it.

And yet the movie failed to touch even half-million dollars.

But with Kiran Rao’s abortion of a story, how could Dhobi Ghat be anything but mediocre on the screen and at the box office.

Here’s how badly Dhobhi Ghat fared at the U.S. Box Office compared to a few other prominent recent Bollywood films:

Related Reviews:
Dhobi Ghat Review – Less Dhobi, More Phony

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(For the beer-swilling SI Blog reader Gandhiji)

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. – Ogden Nash

Idle minds mouths will drink anything. ;)

As many of our readers have hinted on occasion, time hangs heavily on our hands.

So when a SI blog reader brought up Arrogant Bastard beer last night, we were game for it.

So this morning we headed to our Gujju ‘Chutiya’ Patel’s liquor store where the bespectacled orangutan-like Gujju was rude as ever.

By God, the temperature outside today was an unbearable -9°C (probably because of the wind-chill) although the real temperature was only -4°C.

After eying the beer cooler, we finally picked up a 22-oz bottle of Arrogant Bastard for $4.98 and a bottle of India Special (to be reviewed later) for $3.98.

We made a quick stop at the local Food Lion supermarket to pick up up some Seltzer water bottles for our Gin and a couple of packets of Pad Thai noodles.

After keeping the Arrogant Bastard in the freezer (for rapid cooling), we quickly made ourselves some Pad Thai noodles with the packet.

By the time, the Pad Thai noodles was ready, the beer was cold enough to pour into our glass.

First sip. Fineee.

If you roll the beer on your tongue rather than quickly gulping it down, you get a slightly fruity taste. But not sweet.

The smell is decent too, a fruity-bitter odor. Not the cheap Budweiser smell that repulses us.

We were reminded of Guinness Extra Stout, maybe because of Arrogant Bastard’s reddish-brown color.

The bitter-flavor doesn’t hit you immediately but slowly creeps up on you as you keep drinking.

Even after the Beer became warmer than we’d like, we still liked the taste.

A 22-oz bottle of Arrogant Bastard (7.2% alcohol content) leaves you with a pleasant feeling in the head and wanting one more bottle.

Now if you schmucks want to know our verdict – From one Arrogant Bastard to another, Go for It. ;)

Oh, we almost forgot to tell you that the Pad Thai noodles with its subtle spicy flavor makes for a nice combination with the Arrogant Bastard.

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Shop till you drop.

As even the schmucks know by now, that’s been the mantra in the consumerist Mecca a.k.a. America for decades.

And if there’s one group of people who love a deal, it’s Americans.

Every day, Americans use coupons for Tampons, Bread, Donuts, Beer, Razors, Diabetes Readers, Whiskey, Movie Tickets, Pizza, Haircuts, Wine, Coffee and countless other items.

If we search hard, we’re sure to stumble on coupons for a well oiled Sandwich Massage by two buxom Chinese gals too. Just that we haven’t looked hard. ;)

Now, a new form of deal madness has consumed the denizens of this shopaholic nation.

And at the epicenter of this new deal craziness is Groupon, the company Google tried to buy for $6 billion and was rebuffed.

Following Groupon’s success popularity, there has been a host of me-too players like LivingSocial, ScoutMob, LocalTwist, Twongo, AmazonDeals et al.

There’s even an aggregator Monster Offers to combine all these daily deals in one convenient location.

Now, in its fatigued search for new frontiers to conquer Internet Goliath Google too has jumped into the fray.

Google Offers should debut in the not too distant future.

How It Works
Groupon, the Big Daddy of these new deal peddlers, sends out e-mail to subscribers highlighting a deal in a particular city.

If enough people sign up for the deal, it’s on. Usually, the deal is for 50% off.

Groupon deals cover restaurants, dentists, and assorted stuff like skin laser treatment, private tennis lessons, game tickets, wine tasting, carpet cleaning, dry cleaning, magazine subscriptions, concerts, speed-reading classes, yoga et al.

Collective Buying Model
Underpinning the Groupon business model is collective buying.

Groupon negotiates discounts with local businesses and shares them with subscribers via free daily emails. Deals are activated only when a minimum number of people agree to buy, encouraging subscribers to share the promotion with friends and family. By guaranteeing a large number of new customers, Groupon has built a powerful new marketing vehicle for local merchants in multiple cities.

Groupon boasts that its innovative approach to e-commerce has delivered millions of dollars in new revenue to local merchants and saved over $1.5 billion for consumers.

Groupon and its peers ScoutMob, Amazon Deals and LivingSocial are also available on mobile devices like iPhone it convenient to access and sign up for these deals.

Can It Last?
The $64,000 question is whether Groupon and its clones can last.

Will American consumers have the same savings mentality if the economy improves. Groupon’s biggest advantage, a fact that few talk about, is its fortuitous launch during a severe recession.

Also, is Groupon just the latest consumer fad in a nation where fads have been fashioned into high art.

After all, the business landscape of America is littered with the tombstones of startups whose fads were quickly abandoned by fickle consumers in search of a newer fad.

Remember, many of us were told in the late 1990s that online grocery stores like Webvan, Namaste and others of its ilk would make brick and mortar stores like Acme, Pathmark and Shoprite irrelevant only to see the online players bite the dust a few years later.

While the jury is out on the survival of the collective buying, Groupon’s smaller rivals are unlikely to survive for long.

Also, will Google Offers make headway or will it be the Orkut vs Facebook deja vu all over again?

We’re inclined to believe Google Offers will have a hard time standing up to Groupon since it’s a latecomer to the game.

Plus, Groupon has smartly built its brand and quickly expanded to multiple countries in a short time.

Ultimately, Google may have to make another shot at acquiring Groupon or wave the white flag.

What about India?
Indians (living in India) are likely to hear of Groupon in the coming months.

After all, just a couple of weeks back Groupon announced the acquisition of SoSasta, an Indian deals facilitator operating in 11 cities.

Since we live too far from India, we’re not sure if a Groupon-like model works well in India where customer-service issues, e-commerce and small business attitudes still have miles to go vis-a-vis the U.S.

Our Experience
Since desis are cheaper bastards than Americans, SI has obviously tried Groupon on a couple of occasions.

On both occasions, it was for a meal at an Indian restaurant.

If we remember right, both were for 50% off. The process went off smoothly on the buying end and later at the restaurant as well.

Now, if you schmucks’ll excuse us we’d like to check out today’s Groupon Deal in Philadelphia. ;)

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The following Famous Last Words are mostly culled from Brewer’s Dictionary of Phrase & Fable.

* Mahatma Gandhi – Hey Ram

* Cecil John Rhodes (British colonial administrator) – So little done, so much to do

* Mohammed – O’Allah! Pardon my sins. Yes, I come.

* Jane Austen (English writer, when asked what she required) – Nothing but death

* Cicero (to his assassins) – Strike

* Demonax (Greek philosopher) – You may go home, the show is over

* Queen Elizabeth I – All my possessions for a moment of time

* Beethoven (the deaf German composer) – I shall hear in heaven

* Julius CaesarEt tu, Brute? (You too, Brutus?)

* Goethe (German poet) – Light, more light

* Hamlet (Shakespeare’s tragic-hero) – The rest is silence

* O.Henry (U.S. author) – Turn up the lights. I don’t want to go home in the dark.

* Nero (Roman emperor) – Qualis artifex pereo What an artist dies with me)

***********************
Infamous Last words NOT said and culled from SI’s febrile imagination:
***********************

* Jawaharlal Nehru – Edwina, here I cum!

* Morarji Desai (Indian Prime Minister) – No pills, get me my own Gangajal (the urine drinker asking for a spoon of his urine)

* Prabhakaran (Sri Lankan Tamil terrorist) – Intha nai aen piranthathu (why was this dog born)

* M.G.Ramachandran (film star and South Indian politician) – Sotha Kudhi (the paralyzed old man asking one of his followers to have a Soda)

* Indira Gandhi (Indian politician) – I buggered up the nation and these Sikhs buggered me.

* Sanjay Gandhi (Indian politician) – Oh, what a fall from grace (as his plane crashed to the death during an aerobatic stunt)

* Rajiv Gandhi (Indian politician) – Bofors. Bofors.

* Annadurai (South Indian politician) – Après moi, le déluge (After me, the deluge)

* Bhindranwale (Sikh terrorist) – Chutiya Mein (I am an useless fellow)

* Sivaji Ganesan (Tamil film actor) – Ponal pogattum poda (a famous line from his famous movie Palum Pazhamum)

* Akbar (Emperor) – There goes the Mughal dynasty

* Bhagat Singh (Indian freedom fighter) – Arre, why did I sacrifice my life for these chutiyas (idiots)

* Kishore Kumar (Bollywood singer) – Mere sapnon ki rani kab aayegi tu (a line from his famous song in Aaradhana)

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