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Jan 102014
 



A three-hour long unparalleled nightmare, Jilla is Vijay’s vile imprecation against Tamils.

Visually unappealing, silly beyond description and worthless beyond redemption, this atrocity of a movie muddles through one offensive frame after another.

Hates Khaki – Loves Khaki

To ensure that feeble-minded Vijay fans can easily understand the film, Jilla director R.T. Neason (story, screenplay & direction) embraces the KISS principle – Keep it Simple, Stupid.

For the first half of Jilla, Shakti (Joseph Vijay) hates Khaki uniform because a policeman killed his real-father.

For the second half of the film, Shakti loves Khaki uniform because as a policeman he wants to save his murderous foster-father Siva (Mohanlal).

Loving Khaki uniform and hating Khaki uniform! I guess even Vijay’s fans should be able to grasp that!

Folks, loving and hating Khaki uniform forms the essence of Jilla and highlights the infernal nonsense this abominable piece of trash descends to.

I’m not kidding!

Buttock Squeezing

In between hating and loving Khaki uniform, Shakti is either squeezing the buttocks of Police Sub-Inspector Shanti (Kajal Aggarwal) or having his buttocks squeezed by Kajal Aggarwal.

Yes, all butt squeezings are in public. Really!

If Shanti and Shakti are not butt-squeezing each other, then Shakti is piercing the buttock of his cop friend (Parotta Soori) with a geometry compass.

When Vijay’s buttock is not at hand, Kajal squeezes Parotta Soori’s buttocks or balls in the police station.

When Shakti tires of the thrill of buttock-squeezes, he makes do with making Shanti crawl through a mud-pool in front of a few hundred school girls. Or he has one of those school girls take a hard whack at Parotta Soori’s cojones with a club.

Again, I’m not kidding.

Slow Motion Fights – Fast Motion Fights

In between squeezing Kajal Agarwal’s buttock or she squeezing Vijay’s butt, our hero is fighting the bad guys (Royapuram Guna), fighting the good guys (cops), fighting the not-bad and not-good guys (i.e. his father Siva’s goons), torturing the Madurai Police Commissioner (Pradeep Rawat) by chopping his right arm and cleansing Madurai of crime in one night.

And the Police Commissioner, who still can’t lift his right arm because of the severe injury, is so elated with his arm-chopper Shakti that he promotes him to Deputy Commissioner of Police. Nice way to get a promotion is to slash the Madurai Police Commissioner!

I counted 10 fights in the film before throwing up my hands in surrender. Hey, I have only 10 fingers!

As for Shakti’s weapons of choice, again I counted 10 – Cricket bat, bare hands, gun, knife, legs, spear, small stones, wooden planks, wooden clubs and a geometry compass.

And Shakti is expert at all of them, particularly the geometry compass and small stones (a skill he picked up in childhood and used to save a stranger but forgot to save his father and let him die).

When Vijay gets bored of fighting the good guys, bad guys and in-between guys in fast motion, he resorts to fighting the bad guys, good guys and in-between guys in slow motion.

I swear on Vijay I’m not kidding.

Mohanlal & Kajal

The two “Lals” in Jilla (Kerala import Mohanlal and Made-in-Mumbai Kajal) serve three purposes in the film – To sing and dance with Vijay, scream at Vijay and to let Vijay take pee-breaks from the screen.

When our dear Ilayathalapathy Vijay is not dancing with his father Siva to the background of a horrid song (Pattu Onnu), he’s cavorting with Kajal to the noise of  a double horrid song (Verasa Pogayile, Yeppa Maama Treatu and Kandaangi Kandaangi).

If the two “Lals” are not around, then Vijay quickly finds two ugly stripped down sluts to dance an item number with (Jingunamani).

When Siva is not screaming at Shakti for being a serious policeman, then Shanti is shrieking at Shakti for not being a serious policeman (after the cylinder blast incident).

I definitely ain’t kidding here!

Jilla – Watch Thrice

SearchIndia.com strongly recommends you schmucks abandon all your other pursuits forthwith and rush to see Jilla.

Not just once! Not merely twice.

A Pongal gem like Jilla deserves at least three watchings before you dolts can realize your Nirvana.

Now I’m kidding!

Guys, Jilla is an incredibly stupid film that has no business being screened in cinema theatres, tent theatres or even home theatres.

Vandhi Padam, Machchi!

Related Jilla Content:
Jilla, Veeram – Govinda, Govinda

  37 Responses to “Jilla Review – Vandhi aka Vomit”

  1. Not upto your old reviews, where your reviews make me heartfelt happy and destress for two days or more.

    I am more disappointed at lack of sarcastic humour in your review, compared to SI disappointed in Jilla.

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    I will do better in my next exam, sir! ;)

  2. Hilarious review.

    You’ve skewered Jilla.

    Is the movie so bad?

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Yes, sweetie.

    Jilla is indescribably bad!

  3. Ha ha ha.

    Good one.

    I started reading SI with villu review (machi, idhu p***u padam) and here I am, after around four years, reading jilla review (vandhi padam, machi).

    Generations to come will scarce believe that Such a one as Joseph vijay in flesh and blood walked upon this earth ;) a true mahatma!!

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Disgusting piece of shit! :(

    Generations to come will scarce believe that such a one as the mokka Tamil film fans who suckified Jochappu veejay walked upon this earth in flesh and blood.

    A true bunch of Maha-suckers! ;)

    Ghastly nightmare.

    The audience didn’t seem pleased with this shit.

  4. One is a Lal and other is a Jal!

    Jal reminds me of the deceitful, never to be cyclone which promised bucket loads of rain to Chennai, but fizzled out to strong winds and not a drop of rain.

    Is there any redeeming element in the film? Any one single moment?

    And, how would you rate Mohan Lal acting? I doubt even an actor of his caliber can save this film.

    Please do not cite, UPO as an example of Mohan Lal acting.

    You watch his Thanmathra (Molecule) movie before drawing conclusion.

    If you can watch Korean, German and Iran films with sub-titles, you will definitely a Malayalam film with English sub-titles.

    In one stage show, S.Ve. Sekhar joked that, a Mallu was there in Moon to serve tea when Armstrong landed there :)

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    1. You write: Is there any redeeming element in the film? Any one single moment?

    Ha ha, you must have had more than 2 bottles of Saki?

    Jilla is 100% garbage.

    Not a single redeeming element.

    Any other place, people would throw up at the sight of such drivel but in Tamil Nadu movie fans suck on the chutiya’s dick as if it’s their lifeline!

    2. You write: And, how would you rate Mohan Lal acting? I doubt even an actor of his caliber can save this film.

    In a story so bizarrely rotten, it makes no sense to talk of Mohan Lal’s acting or Kajal’s non-acting.

    Jilla is pure shit, made by a retard for retards.

    When shit stinks so bad, you don’t ask whether it’s Bull Shit or Buffalo Shit or Dog Shit!

  5. Or may be should we say Lal and a Wal (tail) as in Agarwal! :)

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    That worthless creature Kajal ought to be housed in a zoo somewhere! :(

    She is a hideous actress, particularly in that Yeppa Maama Treatu song-dance!

  6. Really disappointed to see Jilla’s review first.

    When there is an absolutely great movie “Dedh Ishqiya” is released, which is hailed as an masterpiece and you are worried watching jilla when you know that the movie will be bad before watching.

    Please dont review veeram next but watch dedh ishqiya.

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    I feel your pain, sweetie.

    Like you, I too enjoyed Ishqiyahttp://www.searchindia.com/2010/01/29/ishqiya-review-charming-menage-a-trois/

    Like you, I too lust for Huma Qureshi. I don’t know if Huma can act…..but with a figure like that I just feeling like singing Huma Huma De De. ;)

    Like you, I too like Naseeruddin Shah & Arshad Warsi!

    But the nearest theatre for Dedh Ishqiya is a 170-miles (272km) round trip.

    The weather has improved but still I don’t feel comfortable driving that far on icy roads.

    Sorry!

    • This new SI has missed a lot of good movies like Kai Po Che, Lunchbox, etc.

      SearchIndia.com Responds:

      I’m stuck in a place far from civilization.

      We get the lousiest Tamil films here but not films featuring Naseeruddin Shah (Dedh Ishqiya) or critics’ favorites like Lunchbox!

      Must be my bad Karma! :(

      Once the DVD is out, I promise to take a deko at them.

  7. lol…i could n’t believe that

    1: you decided to watch this movie.
    2: you sat through this horridness.

    Let me guess your mind now ;) “you would have prayed that the weather gods should not have shown mercy”

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    An abomination….Joseph (of Joseph Vijay fame) has no hope of Heaven!

    Absolutely, I blame the Weather Gods 100%.

    If the weather had not improved, if the snow had not melted and if the Polar Vortex had not ceased I’d not have gone to see Jilla. ;)

  8. I just found your website.

    Vijay is looking to be a master of flops now and when he joins Mohanlal (who has a PhD in this flop making business) what else can we expect.

    I read your comment somewhere else in this blog and hence saying – We, Indians, make so bad movies because we are trying to match Hollywood which make only stupid movies (after the 60’s or 70’s). Only less than 10% of Hollywood movies are any serious or good ones these days.

    We forget that there are many movie industries where movies are looked at differently where the distinction between art and entertainment cease to exist. I am in love with movies from Denmark, Greece, France, Argentina, Turkey, Canada and the Arab world etc. These movie industries are very small, but a good percentage of their movies are all great paces of cinema. Even China, Korea and Japan make a lot of excellent movies. China, inspite of making stupid movies, also make real masterpieces too.

    When India starts looking outside Hollywood, we might improve.

    Anyways I have to still say that, ignoring all these Vijay,, Ajith, Surya etc. Tamil cinema still can be proud about making the best off beat movies in India. Onaayum Aattukuttiyum was the recent eg. But there have been many in the past like Azhagar Saamiyin Kuthirai, Vazhakku 18/19, Marina etc. The good aspect of these off beat movies from Tamil are that, they are all based on quite Indian characters – I mean real Tamil characters with roots in their culture. The story and their settings were mostly indigenous, which I appreciate a lot. Unlike, most Bollywood or even the new Malayalam cinema, they (Tamil off beat) do not have characters trying to ape Hollywood characters or behaving like westerner or whatever.

    I think your blog has some issue. I would like to change my passoword to something I can remember, but afraid, the site is not permitting me.

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    1. You write: I just found your website.

    Fasten your seat belt, kiddo!

    The ride is gonna be wild and unpredictable! ;)

    2. You write: I am in love with movies from Denmark, Greece, France, Argentina, Turkey, Canada and the Arab world etc.

    On SearchIndia.com, we have a category devoted to Foreign (non-Hollywood) movies where you can read Korean, Chinese, Iranian, Danish, Argentine, French, Italian, Norwegian etc movie reviews.

    http://www.searchindia.com/category/foreign-movies/

    3. I’d love to see Onaayum Aattukuttiyum. Unfortunately, the film had a limited release in the U.S. and the nearest theatre was a 250-mile (400 km) drive.

    4. You write: I think your blog has some issue. I would like to change my passoword to something I can remember, but afraid, the site is not permitting me.

    If you want to change the password to something you can easily remember, here’s the procedure as explained by a reader last year:

    You can use the “Lost your Password?” option found under this link:

    http://www.searchindia.com/wp-login.php

    This mails you a link where you can reset your password. And, After you reset – you’re taken to profile page which again says – ‘Permission Denied’. But, don’t care.

    Just hit SearchIndia.com and re-login. You should be OK. I did this few days ago. (Well, faced the same problem like you reading it from – Mobile, Desktop, and iPad.)

    • Thanks, that worked.

    • People joining the SI university learn the first lesson from my research work!

      How pleased I am ! ;)

      SearchIndia.com Responds:

      I know…..I may have even e-mailed your ‘research work’ to one or two people who sent in e-mails asking for the procedure to change the password.

      That’s proving to be very useful.

      Thank you! :)

      Why don’t you think of some other equally important ‘research work’ like One Day in a South Indian Village for the SI blog.

      With the penetration of cell phones and Internet, what’s a typical day in a South Indian village now like?

      • Sure. I’ll think of it one of these days.

        I know a thesis on “Murugan Idli shop” does not qualify for a magna cum laude in SI University :)

        SearchIndia.com Responds:

        I once visited a village without electricity….some three decades back!

        I guess >98% of villages now have electricity, mobile phones, Internet, public transport etc!

  9. I used to watch Tamil/Indian movies like crazy during my under graduation days.

    In my working days, I was introduced to world cinemas and I started watching them.

    After seeing those movies, I felt, why is there not even a single Tamil/Indian movie in a year according to world standards?

    To be a world class movie, we do not need high-tech cameras, world class graphics or even critically acclaimed actors.

    All we need is a good story and a screenplay.

    Anyways, one day when I was bored with work, I just googled “worst tamil movies” and I came across this site.

    At last, a place where I can get the correct reviews.

    I really loved all the reviews and am glad that I came out of the succubus of Indian cinemas.

    Otherwise, if I had been inside the succubus of kollywood, for such a review, I would have scolded you like “How dare you talk ill about my thalaivaa? you dumb piece of shit!!!!!!”

    Alas, I got my nirvana couple of years back and glad that I watch the audience go berserk over their thalaivaas from the other side.

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    1. You write: one day when I was bored with work, I just googled “worst tamil movies” and I came across this site.

    Ha ha ha!

    99% of Tamil movies belong in the “Worse” or “Worst” categories.

    2. You write: To be a world class movie, we do not need high-tech cameras, world class graphics or even critically acclaimed actors. All we need is a good story and a screenplay.

    Very true! Films like A Wednesday, Ishqiya etc were rooted in the Indian soil with a strong cast and story.

    Sadly, almost every stupid, Tamil, Telugu or Hindi film has a few silly scenes in Iceland, Denmark, Switzerland, Japan etc.

    Even this Vandhi (vomit) Jilla was shot in part in Japan (the Kandaangi Kandaangi song)!

    3. Also, there’s a lot of manipulation – PR stunts like milk abhishekam, fans cheering wildly, media interviews with stars making outrageous statements, paid reviews etc – that goes on behind the scene of turning trashy Tamil, Telugu and Hindi films into hits.

  10. SI, you should try to review offbeat Bengali, Tamil, Hindi, Malayalaee films instead of wasting your time in review Star movies. I think it’s more than enough on you watching crappy mainstream Indian movies and writing the reviews of them.

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    We’ve done a few (including some by others).

    • Reason, why I am saying this, at first, reading your review is fun; but after sometime, I start wondering, why there are 10 to 20 movies are released in India with good script and SI is not reviewing, even one of those; which makes me sad.

      SearchIndia.com Responds:

      First, not many good movies release in India.

      Second, few of the good ones make it to the U.S.

      Third, the good ones have limited release here. It’s hard to justify 400-km drives for any movie.

  11. This review definitely saved me a lot of money.

    Will be watching Children of Heaven today.

    At least that would give me solace of watching a very good film.

    BTW, watched Asghar Farhadi’s The Past (of A Separation fame).. Wonderful acting, but found the film a tad long..

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Will watch The Past soon! I loved A Separation!

    The movie I’m impatient to see is Patience Stone (French). Alas, the DVD is still not out in the U.S. at Netflix.

  12. Patience Stone looks interesting.. I remember Golshifteh Farahani from Body of Lies.

  13. What about “Evadu” and “1-Nenokkadine” reviews?

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Too far and roads are icy.

  14. It’s high time you stopped wasting precious dollars$$$$$$$$$ on thrash like this and spent your money and time watching other unknown classics and graphic novels…

    And shouldn’t be aware of the fact by now that any film that stars Vijay and Ajith will not have a semblance of a script???? Then, why waste time? Outsource your review work of Tamil work to others and spend more time on unknown classical movies – Films that people never cared to see, films that got lost in noman’s land….

    Ever heard of Hollywood films like:
    – “A Raging Bull” – The boxing movie on the famous boxer “Jake La Motta” starring Robert de Niro
    – Cinderella Man, yet another boxing movie based on the 1940 heavyweight boxer “James “Jimmy” Braddock” starring Russell Crowe
    – “The Mist” – A sci-fi horror-thriller based on the novel by Stephen King
    – “Watchmen” – A very different superhero film both based on the graphic novels created by Alan Moore – Read the Graphic novel, it is much better than the film.

    You’d rather spend your time looking at these sort of films than watching trash movies….Time is short, make good use of it.

    Wishing you and your family a very happy Pongal (Assuming you hail from Tamil Nadu)!

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    I shall watch Mist soon. I like Stephen King. Have read some of his books (Christine).

    Since we are Muslims, we don’t celebrate Pongal.

    But Happy Pongal to you.

    • Are you schizophrenic?

      You say here that you are Muslims and in the other comment you say you are Hindu (in response user spity2)

      Or is it your favorite night coolie at work again? ;)

      Who are you? What are you up to? (add background echoes for cinematic effect) ;)

      SearchIndia.com Responds:

      Sweetie, what difference does it make whether I eat Haram meat or Halal meat!

      I think the notion of a beneficent God is a dumb one, unfortunately billions still cling to the nonsense showing that the concept of Wise Man a.k.a. Homo Sapiens is vastly exaggerated.

  15. If you want to watch quality hindi movies, go for movies of offbeat actors like Nana Patekar…. You might end up finding some gems..

  16. Nobody gives a sh*t to Vijay or his inane movies especially after Thalaivaa fiasco.

    There is this guy named Vijay Sethupathi. All his movies are made within budget of 20-60 million rupees (a.k.a shoe-string budget). Almost all are debutant directors. His movies contains hardly any songs and almost with no romantic angle. However, movie after movie, this guy able to strike gold with audience and critics alike. I have watched three of his films – Pizza, Naduvula konjam pakkatha kaanom and Soothu Kavvum – horror, situational comedy and black comedy respectively. Worth watching. This guy has something in him, with the looks that calls for no second attention, positioned himself as an enviable in the current brood of young actors.

    2012 and 2013 – four films and all of them were critical and commercial success – a feat thats been struggled to be achieved by any A-list actor in the last decade.

    He is someone to be watch out for in 2014. Sad that SI hadnt got a chance to watch any of his films.

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    I’ve made a note and will try to get his DVDs from people coming from India.

    • @STG
      I like Vijay Sethupathi.
      This guy with ordinary looks seems to have a better brain than most actors.
      I didnt imagine at all, while watching Thenmerkku Paruvakatru (another nice off beat Tamil), that he would become such a success.

      ‘Naduvula Konjam Pakkathe Kaanom’ is a kind of master peice actually. ‘Soothu Kaavum’ has a kind of quality that we normally see only in British heist movies. It is such a pity these kind of Tamil movies do not get any name outside Tamil nadu, forget about my own Kerala, the neibhouring state.

      Sethupathi’s performance in Idharkuthane Asaipatta…. was also really good, thought that movie could have been even better.

      Actually there are excellent off beat films in Tamil.

      • “Soodhu kavvum” is being remade into Hindi, Kannada, Malayalam movies with different cast. “Pizza” Hindi remake has already started.

  17. What bout veeram review.

    According to general reviews, veeram is the preferred among the two movies.

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    No neram (time) for Veeram.

  18. sam said:”According to general reviews, veeram is the preferred among the two movies.”
    That is because Veeram is just a tad better than the shit that is Jilla…..

    As long as we have this meaningless hero worship, nothing is going to change, Vijay and Ajit will continue to churn out meaningless potboilers and still manage to rule the roost

  19. HI Si,

    Just watched a wasted trash called Jilla.

    Share your pain. Waste of 100 bucks.

    Many Vijay fans in facebook sold me the dummy.

    Regards,
    Arun

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Sweetie, what’s the response to Jilla and Veeram in Tamil Nadu?

    Watched the new Hollywood movie Her yesterday…review coming after I get some caffeine into my system!

    • Hi SI,

      Both are running well and having nearly 70% occupancy. Family audience are seeing both the films (thought they are mature people)!!

      Having said that, Veeram is slightly or much better than Jilla.

      Regards,
      Arun

      SearchIndia.com Responds:

      Thanks!

  20. Didn’t you check the trailer first?

    What else can you expect from that..!

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Polar vortex congealed my brain! :(

  21. One of the advantages of moving to where I am is that Tamil movies don’t release here and I don’t have time and temptation to drive 220 miles to the nearest theater that shows Tamil movies.

  22. Off-topic:

    I think a few readers at SI will be glad to know that NYT lists Chennai as a destination to go in 2014.

    http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/01/10/travel/2014-places-to-go.html?_r=2

    Wait for images to load. Some images are micro-videos (including that of Chennai).

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    The dumb fuck (NYT author) is excited about a Pizza joint in Chennai! :(

    • Downtown LA was #5, so the author has no credibility.

      SearchIndia.com Responds:

      In the mid-1990s, several parts of downtown LA including many blocks of Wilshire Blvd used to be deserted after 6:30PM except for hookers, drug peddlers, desperate gays propositioning strangers, and crazies trying to sell you whatever shit they had including bus tokens. Creepy but fascinating! Downtown LA was one of the few places where people could buy ‘loose’ cigarettes from the Korean and Chinese stores! ;) Hope things have not changed now.

    • Honestly I did not give much attention to the text, just looked at the various pictures (embedded videos).

      And I don’t know much about any other places mentioned in the link.

  23. Hi, happy pongal.

    Yesterday, I tried to get tickets for veeram or jilla in multiplex here in Doha in citycenter for evening show but could not…was surprised, as many malayalis had queued up for Jilla and Veeram, QAR. 35/ ticket

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    Happy Pongal to you too, sweetie!

  24. No one other than Kajal Agarwal could have played such an indignified, putrified and a completely puke-worthy role with such a great elan!

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    I can’t wait to see this clown disappear from the screen.

  25. Why have you not posted veeram review yet?

    People are going mad saying “veeram is better than Jilla”.

    Both are unbearable shits and am really surprised people are looking veeram as a good shit compared to Jilla.

    When it is shit, how can you say it is a good shit?

    SearchIndia.com Responds:

    1. You write: Why have you not posted veeram review yet?

    Because I want to maintain my sanity!

    2. You write: People are going mad saying “veeram is better than Jilla”….am really surprised people are looking veeram as a good shit compared to Jilla

    Ajith is a curse on Tamil cinema.

    As for Ajith’s fans, please read this old story on SI – http://www.searchindia.com/2012/10/15/how-ajith-fans-can-get-a-long-lasting-erection-and-improve-kollywood-films

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