Thank God, one major problem of our life our death is solved.
You see, for the last few months we’d been feverishly agonizing over what music ought to play at our funeral.
At first, we considered our favorite Ennio Morricone’s peerless compositions like Il Trio Infernale and A Lydia (‘scusi, Facciamo L’amore‘). But we had misgivings about these classics because they were not depressing pieces. Who knows, we might even open our eyes in the casket at the sound of these timeless compositions.
We were desperately hoping to encounter music so depressing that there’d be no chance of us ever opening our eyes once we were deposited in the wooden box.
We searched high and low but with no luck.
Desperate hope slowly turned into deep despair.
And then we purchased the music album of Vijay’s forthcoming film Kaavalan on Apple iTunes.
Eureka, the issue of what dirge will play at our funeral vanished. The problem has been put to rest and we can continue with other activities in the short time left us.
Folks, for love or money you can’t get a better dirge than Kaavalan.
Thank you, Ilaya-Thalai-Illatha-Pathi. Thank you, Vidyasagar (Kaavalan’s music (mis)director).
As we listened to the five tracks in Kaavalan, we were transported into a mood of deep gloom:
* Vinnai Kaapan Oruvan – A duet sung by Tipu and Swetha, this one is a familiar piece. After all, you’ve heard this kinda stuff only in 50 other Vijay movies. Also, a bit reminiscent of the opening Oruvan Oruvan song in Rajinikanth’s Muthu.
* Yaar Athu – A slow number punctuated with phone rings, this one almost put us into a deep sleep coma. Karthik and Suchitra share the singing honors.
* Sada Sada – A solo track from Karthik with silly lyrics and a sillier tune. Of course, the schmucks would call this a peppy number and the legions of Vijay’s fans would wet their pants upon hearing this kinda nonsense.
* Pattam Puchchi – A boring, lifeless number that’s apt for the end rituals of a funeral. Seriously.
* Step it up – A Tamil-English nightmare. Seriously, is this garbage music? As we were listening to this abomination, we couldn’t but help but think of Vadivelu’s nonpareil remonstration – Enna vecchi comedy kimedy onnum pannalaiye.
Bottom Line – Depressing
Sadly, the five tracks in Kaavalan are unimaginative, mediocre pieces, break no new ground and can hardly be classed in the entertaining category.
If you live in the U.S., you can purchase the Kaavalan album on Apple iTunes for $4.95.
Of course, we wouldn’t advise y’all to do that it in the interest of maintaining what little is left of your sanity.
The sole saving grace of this off-putting noise is that there are only five songs. Maybe, there’s a God, after all.
SearchIndia.com strongly recommends that you congenital thieves do not even consider stealing Kaavalan songs.
Bottom line – Utter drivel.
Now if you schmucks will excuse us, we need a stiff drink after listening to this nonsense from the pallbearers of Tamil music.