When it comes to Telugu crime dramas in America, it’s an embarras de choix.
Balaji of the Seven Hills so loves his Andhroid flock that he’s simulcasting multiple Telugu bidda reality crime dramas in America.
U.S. Telugu reality crime shows typically feature biddas stabbing, shooting, strangling, kidnapping, robbing, kicking, biting, stomping, trafficking women, serial groping on planes, and in-flight masturbation (see Notorious Telugu Criminals in USA).
Raised on Dum Biryani, nurtured by poor coding, aroused by Ileana, stirred by Allu Arjun, tonsured by Lord Balaji, addicted to in-breeding (marrying cousins), excited with H1B Visas and nirvana’d by Green Cards, Telugu biddas are one of nature’s strange species.
In America, no crime is beyond the pale for Telugu biddas.
Yandamuri Crime Drama – Part 1
Of all the Telugu crime shows currently playing out in American court rooms, there’s none with a higher appeal than the murder-kidnapping-robbery drama of Telugu bidda Raghunandan Yandamuri.
In scale, savagery, drama, treachery, plot twists and cost to tax-payers, the Yandamuri crime drama towers over all other Telugu infamies in the U.S.
Except for sex, the Raghunandan Yandamuri crime drama has everything. There’s plenty of blood, two murders, kidnapping, ransom demand, robbery of jewels, gambling, a pregnant loving wife (Yandamuri’s), financial distress, desperation and, above all, astounding stupidity.
Raghunandan Yandamuri’s crime drama is to desis what the release of leaked nude pictures of Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton is to fappening Americans who dove into an orgy of mass masturbation over the selfies, downies and backies (not kidding).
A former software programmer and gambling addict from the South Indian state of Andhra Pradesh, Raghunandan Yandamuri is the villain in the October 22, 2012 murder-kidnapping-robbery drama that snuffed the lives of 10-month-old baby Saanvi Venna and her grandmother Satyavathi Venna.
During the botched kidnapping for ransom of baby Saanvi, Yandamuri killed Saanvi and her grandmother and in a bizarre video interview with the Pennsylvania police confessed to the killings (but claimed the deaths were accidental).
In a Himalayan height of betrayal, Yandamuri was a friend of Saanvi’s parents and in the aftermath of his killings actively participated in the search for the missing child displaying a grotesque, morbid sense of gallows humor borne out of overdosing on Dum Biryani and seeing too many Tollywood films.
Yandamuri was quickly arrested, thrown into the local county jail and Montgomery County prosecutors have since been wetting their lips in hopes of seeing the death penalty needle being inserted into the Telugu bidda’s brown arms and dispatched to the everlasting company of Balaji of the Seven Hills.
Not one given to sensible behavior, Yandamuri has demonstrated a flair for bizarre dramatics, an ebola-like infection derived from watching Tollywood movies where heroes frequently yodel Champaestanu (I’ll kill you) before launching into a hideous song on snow-capped mountains in Switzerland in the company of a barely clothed fair-skinned girl mouth agape, thighs apart and hands raised high in wanton surrender to the simian Telugu hero looming over her.
No sir. Yandamuri has not been quiet following his bizarre confession video where in a “Brahmanandam” moment he literally enacted the killing for the benefit of police detectives. How dumb must you be to do such an asinine thing! Yandamuri’s stupid video confession is a damning indictment of the entire education system in Andhra Mahanaadu. Despite his best efforts, Yandamuri failed to get the video confession suppressed and it will now be shown to jurors.
In the months since his arrest, a high-on-adrenalin Yandamuri fired his court-appointed lawyer, launched a blistering attack on the Pennsylvania police, blasted the Indian embassy in Washington DC, denied his involvement in the crimes and his febrile imagination wrought up “Matt” and “Josh” as the ‘real’ killers of baby Saanvi and her grandmother.
In the meantime, Yandamuri has run up costs of over a million dollars to Pennsylvania tax payers for his incarceration, investigation into his crimes, fees for two public defender attorneys, visits to and from India, DNA tests, hiring of forensic experts etc.
But Yeh Telugu picture abhi baaki hai (there’s more left of the Telugu bidda drama).
Part 2 – Promises More Drama
If Part 1 of the Raghunandan Yandamuri crime drama proved to be an edge of the seat nail-biting affair, imagine what’s coming in Part 2.
Countless Indian-Americans impatiently awaiting Part 2 of the epic Telugu crime drama will be glad to know that after multiple postponements the next episode of this hot show will start soon in the Montgomery County court hall.
On September 15, the jury trial for Yandamuri is slated to begin in Montgomery County Room-8 at 9AM (after the end of the inauspicious Rahukalam).
Given Yandamuri’s penchant for bizarre theatrics in Part 1, it’s safe to assume he will not disappoint viewers in Part 2.
Since Yandamuri is acting as his own lawyer and pitted against veteran prosecutors, comical and stupid moments are bound to be plenty. Have no fear on that score. 😉
I predict the highlight of the trial will be Yandamuri cross-examining witnesses (particularly Montgomery County police officers against whom he vented his spleen in an interview with a Telugu TV station).
Don’t be surprised if Yandamuri bursts into tears or flies into a rage inside the court room.
Like most members of the Telugu tribe, Yandamuri has an abiding fondness for committing atrocities on the English language. The judge, jurors, prosecutors and witnesses will deserve all the sympathy we can offer them.
Oh wait, I almost forgot. Yandamuri’s family members are expected to come from India at U.S. taxpayer expense (??) to attend the trial and provide testimony over his good character.
Only two outcomes are possible from Part 2 of the Raghunand Yandamuri crime drama, i.e. the trial – Death Penalty or Life in Prison.
Tell me what you think will be the outcome of Raghunandan Yandamuri’s trial in the below poll: